Strange the things that I do. (Sorry this is a venting post)

Word... I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of my low self image bull shit that prevents me from doing or saying the things that I want to. I'm tired of the bullshit that people say about me when they think it won't get back to me. (Kyle, Trent that's for you fucks.) I know i sound like i'm just whining but really is it unreasonable for me to ask these things of myself and others? I'm tired of the fact that I psych my self out of what could be a relationship, thinking that the other person doesn't like me. I procrastinate about it untill the time of oppertunity has passed and i'm left with my ambition (what little there is) on the floor, kicking myself because I fucked up. I'm tired of being alone I could be with those closest to me and still feel this grinding hole enlarging itself in my being. I'm 22 I should be graduating college and I haven't even started. I still live with my mother, how lame is that. Everytime I try to effect change in my life shit either blows up in my face or I get kicked in the balls. I moved out, I run out of money; I try to meet new people, the shy poor bastard that lives in side of me pushes his way out; I move left, the world moves right. The few good things I have in my life are some really close friends (Mike, OJ, Emily, Laura, etc), a decent job, and a car (with no a/c, in july that almost is on the list of horrible things in my life), but with those few things I'm able to wake up in the morning. There's just so much that I want out of life and the few character flaws I have prevent me from having any of them and I'm tired of it. I'm done with the drama, give me the pills....